How to take the fangs out of failure

I was devastated by the news.

I’d spent weeks crafting 3 articles. I was confident they’d be accepted by a top Medium publication (an online magazine).

But they all got rejected.

It made me want to quit writing.

Failure is painful. We are desperate to avoid it. We rather not try than risk its anguish.

When we fail we want to run away. It exposes our insecurities. Our desire for approval runs deep.

But here’s a brutal truth.

If you want to be a writer. You have to figure out a way to befriend failure. Otherwise you’ll be eaten alive.

Forging a new relationship with failure will give you incredible opportunities. And you’ll get ahead of those who quit because they can’t cope with it.

I’m going to share the 3 steps I use to process my failures and remain resilient.

But first Pixar.

The secret of Pixar’s success

Ed Catmull cofounder of Pixar created an unusual culture.

He led a remarkable run of successful movies. But he wanted failure to be common. His aim was for 2/3’s of their projects to fail. In fact Pixar experienced a major meltdown on every one of its first eleven films.

But Catmull doesn’t view this as a bad thing.

“We saw them as learning experiences. They were painful, but we emerged better and stronger because of them. Our meltdowns were a necessary part of doing business.”

Pixar is successful because they redefined their relationship with failure. They saw failing as the key to their creativity.

If you are to progress as a writer you need to embrace failure. And see it as a vital ingredient to your success. But this is tough to do.

That’s why I developed this 3 step process to help you:

1. Accept it hurts

Most advice on failure focuses on learning from your mistakes. And seeing it as a gift to help you improve.

But this is a harmful first step.

Before gaining from failure you need to accept that it hurts. Acknowledge the feelings you have. It is OK to find rejection painful.

I know it can feel embarrassing. But if you skip this step, you’ll hinder your ability to grow.

Pixar works hard to acknowledge failure is tough for people.

“We have to recognize both the reality of the pain and the benefit of the resulting growth.” Ed Catmull

Do this and you’ll discover a surprising truth.

Accepting you feel pain lessens the pain.

2. Check your expectations

Was it even a failure?

I hate to break it to you but your feelings aren’t always in touch with reality. One of your articles gets hardly any comments. You feel rubbish. But is that failure? it is unrealistic to expect everything you write to go viral. Define what success looks like for you.

Writing online is an emotional rollercoaster. So I’ve started tracking 3 numbers on a spreadsheet:

• Medium followers

• Twitter followers

• TCW subscribers

When I have a low day. I check the numbers. It gives me a reality check. 60 subscribers in 2 weeks. 600 followers in 6 months. This is not failure. For me it’s good progress.

Clarify your measure of success.

3. Mine for gold

Now we are ready for the juicy stuff.

When you gain gold from failure it makes the experience sweeter. This is easier once you’ve accepted the pain.

Think about your life. You’ve enjoyed your successes. But your big growth came from your failures. Every new failure is an opportunity for you to advance.

Don’t miss it.

Look your failure in the eye and ask some probing questions:

• What is it teaching you about the topic?

• What have you learned about yourself?

• What have you learned about failure?

Sometimes we don’t know why something didn’t work. Be brave and ask someone for feedback. You’ll find this easier once step 1 has took the sting out of the failure.

Follow these 3 steps for every failure. And you’ll find yourself telling others how much you gained from the experience. The pain will be gone.

But the gold remains.

What I’m reading: Words of Radiance by Brandan Sanderson

because it’s great to lose yourself in a fantasy novel.

Finally I thought you’d enjoy this recent tweet:

I’d love to hear your wisdom on failure - just reply to this email.

And if you like TCW then let others know about it.

Thanks,

Derek